Heavenly Father, we thank you that by water and the Holy Spirit you have bestowed upon these your servants the forgiveness of sin, and have raised them to the new life of grace. Sustain them, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit. Give them an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works. Amen. You are sealed by the Holy Spirit in Baptism and marked as Christ’s own for ever. Amen. The Book of Common Prayer.
This past Sunday at my parish we baptized two children into the family of God. Not twenty minutes earlier, I had taught a Sunday school class in which the discussion centered on the story of a judge in Rockport, Texas who had been captured on video in the process of “disciplining” his 16 year-old daughter. The stark contradiction between that story and the sacrament of Holy Baptism left me astonished and wondering: “How did we get from here to there?”
The video of the Texas judge and his daughter has now gone “viral.” (I think one could make a pretty good argument that there was something viral in this family dynamic long before the release of the video.) In case you haven’t seen it, the video reveals a brutal, sadistic, beating of a teenage girl. The judge’s wife appears to encourage and facilitate the beating. It lasts for almost seven minutes, and I must confess that I was able to watch only about two minutes of it. Two observations emerge from watching this video. First, this was not the first time this had happened. This savage beating clearly occurred as part of a pattern of violence in the life of this family. Secondly, this family did not honor or practice the rubric that one should never strike one’s children in anger.
I don’t think we get very far by simply observing that this was a bad man, or a dysfunctional family, or an instance of genuine evil. (As I’ve said before, I try to make it a practice not to judge the content of a another man’s soul. Jesus taught us to pray for these people, and I have and will continue to do so.) Rather, I want to pose a different question.
Knowing the Texas judiciary as I do, I’m fairly certain that this man, that this family, sat in some church in the area pretty regularly. Whether they did or not, we should all ask ourselves how people can sit in our pews, nod their heads, and then go home to their families and beat, abuse and neglect our children. Aren’t these the same children that we, at some point, presented for their baptism? That strikes me as the real question.
I’m familiar with the biblical text in proverbs which seems to condone, and perhaps even recommend, the corporal punishment of children. I’m also familiar with a good deal of literature and the testimony of several friends that corporal punishment does not work. (Actually, it actually might work to change behavior in the very short-term, but we should rightly wonder whether it also fosters a culture of violence in our families and our children.) But more importantly, Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.” Matt. 25:40. I don’t think the Savior was foolin’ around.
In my legal practice, I have volunteered as an attorney representing children in cases where the State has intervened in cases of abuse and neglect. I have seen the cycle of family violence repeat itself too often and seen the tragic results. Our churches should, no, our churches must, take their teaching responsibilities in this area more seriously. We could begin by starting a serious conversation about this issue, or by teaching new parents about other disciplinary practices they could add to their parenting toolboxes beyond corporal punishment.
As part of our promises during the sacrament of baptism, every member of our congregation agrees we will: (1) “seek and serve Christ in all persons,” loving our neighbors as ourselves; and (2) “strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being.” In those promises, we recognize the sacramental nature of our duty to keep our children safe. I’m at a loss to reconcile those promises with what I saw in that video, and it’s well past the time that our churches did something about it.
Lord , make us instruments of your peace.
Pax,
James R. Dennis, O.P.
© 2011 James R. Dennis
Domini Canes 
Excellent post! I am all in favor of our churches to take a proactive approach to teach parenting.
Me too, Sister. I’m sure some are doing it, but probably not nearly enough.
Or perhaps the best hope comes in first raising awareness in the victims themselves. This is perhaps the most heartbreaking of all human illnesses and so hidden and hard to change once established.
This comes to mind: “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children” (Luke 23.28).
Lera,
That’s so very true. We are such a stiff-necked people, and this is a great example of it.
Pax
I believe there are at least three modes in which parents strike children. The patterns of abuse that must have been present in that household are atrocious, and represent the worst kind. That father was not disciplining his daughter, he was demeaning her in every way he could think of, intentionally, and I think we can say habitually. If he is s church-man, my guess is that the peace and grace of Christ are not known in that place. A person who has received grace offers it toward others (even if it a grace of discipline) especially within his own family. We must remember that while the church can be a place where societal issues are addressed, this must be done from a Christ-Center and not a social action platform.
My dear brother,
I think you’re right, and we could all use a reminder of our desperate need for grace. A dear friend of mine recently spoke about the “very thin veneer” which covers the violence of our culture. Christ calls us all into a life filled with grace, and too often we turn away from that call.
Peace on you and your house
On a related but somewhat different level, I am mesmerized by the situation at Penn State where one man’s evil acts with children has had so many far reaching effects. I guess that evil, like good, is not unlike a pebble dropped in the water where the effects ripple out far beyond the initial impact.
JALL
Jeff,
I think that’s exactly right. I thought of the Penn State situation myself. I think both evil and good can act as contagions. C.S. Lewis said that at every moment, in every place, we have to decide where we stand, and there isno neutral territory.
Striking a child is the OPPOSITE of discipline. Whether the “disciplinarian” is an internal Holy Spirit guiding an adult, or an adult guiding a child, discipline is effected by changing hearts. You convince someone to look at things in a new way, and she changes her own behavior…often permanently. It’s a harder, slower way to teach, but the only path to real change. Thank you James, for a thought-provoking post.
Lana,
I’m glad you liked the piece and many thanks for your thoughts.
Pax